What Happens Between Fear and Forgiveness
by the-lionness
Summary: In which Levy McGarden confronts Gajeel Redfox.


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What Happens Between Fear and Forgiveness

Levy's forte would never be mathematics, but she didn't need to be an expert at numbers to know that she had spent the early part of the morning asking herself the same question over a hundred times:

"What am I doing here?"

_Here_ was the guild. _Here_ was also the staircase leading up to the second floor. The same floor where Mira-chan had mentioned seeing Gajeel Redfox, the Iron Dragon Slayer, make a beeline for the moment he had clambered into Fairy Tail, discharged from the hospital yet still recuperating from his injuries.

Days had passed since what everyone was now calling "The Battle of Fairy Tale." Despite all of Erza-san and Mira-chan's collective efforts, word of the guild's infighting had spread throughout Magnolia. News of the leak wasn't so farfetched; with all that had taken throughout the town and the sheer spectacle of Laxus' Thunder Palace lacrima, it would have been impossible not to notice. Not only that—the delay of Fantasia and the hospitalization of half the guild, including Erza-san herself, Natsu…and Gajeel.

She had gone with Lu-chan, Happy and Gray to Magnolia Hospital the following day, although she hadn't mentioned any ulterior motives. Still, it was pretty easy to slip away unnoticed when Team Natsu got up to their usual antics—face-offs between Gray and Natsu; Lu-chan's tears over her rent's impending due date and Happy's childish teasing at the celestial mage's ongoing predicament; and Erza-san's vacillations between quelling and causing conflicts.

She had gone to the nurses' station about a half hour after the hospital staff had unceremoniously kicked the crew out to nervously, timidly, inquire about where Gajeel was staying, only to learn that he had voluntarily left the day before.

Levy had only caught a glimpse of him during the parade, and now, after not seeing him for two days, she was _here_. At the foot of the stairs leading to the second floor.

Trembling, more like it.

And sweating.

"What am I doing?"

And _why_ was she doing it?

Levy couldn't find the answer to that. She couldn't even say it out loud.

She had thoughts—feelings—about Gajeel Redfox. And said thoughts and feelings were…complicated.

There was still fear. A fear that was palpable, a fear that was worse than her fear of the dark. After all, scary things were born from the dark, and Gajeel had been the scariest of all. A bogeyman that had snuck up on Team Shadowgear before they had known what was happening and far too late for them to defend themselves from the onslaught of his attack. He had been ruthless. And gleeful in his ruthlessness. Levy could still remember the impact of his fists on her body; his nails, like talons, scratching her skin and ripping her clothing; and the cool bite of his metal as he nailed her to the tree in the square.

She had been the last one he had caught, which is why she alone had born the mark of Phantom Lord on her skin.

Her fingers fell to the part of her stomach where that big, dark mark had been branded on her. It had been gone, long gone, thanks to Reedus. But still. When she awoke in the dead of night in a cold sweat with the low lights of her lacrima dancing across the spines of her books and what felt like the same nightmare just out of the reach of her memories, her fingers always seemed able to trace its outline.

There was a fear in the way she found herself moving through the guildhall now. With Gajeel's entry into Fairy Tale and his movements around the bar, she had taken care to make sure that her footsteps made a wide dearth around him. If he walked into the guild, she ducked behind the closest table or hallway corner. If he made his way to the bulletin board in search for another job, she made her way outside. And when he had been on stage that one time, crooning under the spotlight, she had retreated to the library for sanctuary.

Anything to avoid his red, pinprick eyes finding her.

_Anything_ to make herself unnoticeable to him.

The sound of high-pitched, hiccupy breathing reached her ears. A panic attack. Who _was_ that?

Oh. It was her. _She_ was the one breathing like that.

Her hand pressed against the stair rail and she willed herself to take calmer breaths. To be strong.

Her eyes slipped closed.

_"Promise us that you'll steer clear of Redfox, Levy."_ Jet's words of warning bubbled up from her memories. _"He may've helped Natsu beat Laxus, but _we_,"_ he gestured to the three of them in the hospital room, his voice punctuated by the beeps and hums of machinery,_ "don't owe him anything."_

That's what he had said, but Levy had caught the hitch in his throat when he said it. Neither she nor Droy had commented on it, and Jet wasn't _wrong_—

And yet…

And yet, he had endured their attacks on him, attacks that he would have easily deflected and reciprocated.

And there was the memory of his beaten and burning body standing before her, gasping for breath as blood trickled down his mouth. He'd taken the brunt of Laxus' attack, one that was meant for her, an attack that would have certainly killed her.

And his voice, deep and low in her ears. _"…You're incredible you know…" _

She could feel her cheeks warming up at the mere thought of his words.

And so…she opened her eyes, calmed her heart and took the first steps upstairs.

* * *

Gajeel didn't know her name because her name wasn't important to his mission. Ivan had given him the list of major players, a list he had then turned over to Makarov in exchange for the things he needed to survive since Phantom Lord's disbandment: money, food.

But he had picked up her scent: books, ink, and paper. A library.

Hers was different from everything else that wafted under his nose whenever he came into this fuckin' guildhall—beer and hard liquor; sweat from people walking in and out all the time; dust kicked up from all their stupid, petty brawls; cigar smoke; cooked food. It was always mixin' together. The only things that were missin' today were rainwater—Juvia's smell—and, Salamander's smell of campfire.

He'd been at Fairy Tail longer than he had expected. He had caught her staring at him from across the guildhall more times than he could count. And he had almost gotten used to that library smell and the fear that underlined it all.

He was the cause, of course: he had hurt her, scarred her, and scared her. What he had done to _her_, specifically, was half the reason for the others' stares and hostility. And he while didn't spare any fucks about what the rest of the guild thought about him, he'd thought about what he'd done to her more times than he could count. It was hard not to when he kept finding her cowering everywhere.

Maybe it was the first time he had had to actually witness the shit he'd done to someone after he'd done it. But that little scent of fear she had, the one he could make out from across the room? That shit made his guts squirm.

But, suddenly, here she was. Without her stooges and _starin'_ at him with her wide, brown eyes.

He sniffed the air without making it obvious to find there was no scent of fear. That was new.

The line of studs over his left eye rose slightly as he took her in. This tiny woman—this _shrimp _of a woman if there ever was one. She'd been talkin' to herself down there, right? Askin' herself questions? _"What am I doing here?"_

Funny. He could only think of one question and it was the same as hers: "What are you doing here." _Here_ as in _up here_? _Here_ as in _around him_?

He hadn't been expecting the change: the ramrod-straight posture. But all of a sudden, she was a half-inch taller.

He hadn't been expecting for her to bow towards him either.

_Definitely_ hadn't been expecting words of praise to come outta her mouth.

But there they were, suddenly out there in the open.

"I just, wanted to say, thank you for helping save our nakama."

Words of thanks. And those _other_ words, _our nakama_. Her nakama always, but suddenly, a word that suddenly included _him_ as well.

Maybe _that's_ why he had been surprised.

Because he didn't want to think it was the _other_ reason—that _bright_ smile on her face.

"Wasn't nothin'." His reply carried more than a little bit of his surprise. And, surprisingly still, his awe.

And as quickly as she had come, she was gone again.

The moment they shared would pass. He would go back to minding his fucking business, but not before deciding to make it a point to learn that shrimp's name before he spoke to her next time.

* * *

_I've wanted to write a GaLe story for a while. Re-reading _Fairy Tail_ and_ Fairy Tail: 100 Year Quest_ gave me a lot to work with._ _Their dynamic is something I don't think I've seen in a lot of manga: guy hurts girl; girl forgives guy; guy and girl fall in love with each other. There's such a big gap in their storyline, it was only natural for me to want to step in and fill in the blanks. _


End file.
